Top 5 Lessons from Papa

Reading about the Tiger Mom took me back to the days when I froze every time my father spoke.  I used to answer "Papa" (that's his pic on the left) to the question "What are you afraid of?"  But now, myself raising two young boys and looking back through the eyes of a parent, I am grateful he was so stern with me (not as much as the Tiger Mom is to her daughters, thankfully).

More importantly, I am glad my dad worked doubly hard to hammer these lessons into our heads:

• Acknowledge kind efforts
  
  Papa ran his own importing business out of his home office, so I saw and heard his phone conversations, and how he built relationships with each of his clients.  He'd go out of his way to find appropriate gifts for customers and colleagues.  I saw him giving away fruit baskets, Rustan's GCs, movie premiere tickets, and branded shirts, each accompanied by a card bearing a handwritten and carefully-worded thank you message.
  
  I used to wonder why he did that -- wasn't having their business already enough to be thankful for?  He said to me that this is the Chinese way; you show gratitude by giving tokens of appreciation, even if it's something really simple but it has to be tasteful and something that you know the recipient will appreciate. It wasn't until I tried it myself a few years back, with some work colleagues, that I really understood this practice.  It wasn't just about showing your gratitude, it was a good way to cement relationships.

• Respect other people's time
  
  I exasperated my parents -- especially my mom -- with my sloth-like speed when dressing up for school.  Even after the school bus had arrived at our door, it would still take me an extra 5-10 minutes to get out of the house.  Until one day, my dad shot me his dagger look and growled (in Fookien Chinese), "They made an effort to get here early for you.  Don't make other people wait for you.  It's better that you wait for them than the other way around."
  
  How you treat other people's time reflects how much you respect them. Time is, after all, a most precious resource.
  
  
• Try by yourself first before asking for help
  
  I can still remember the exact moment my dad taught me this lesson.  I was about 9 or 10 years old, we were moving furniture in the house in preparation for a family gathering.  My dad was trying to figure out what to do with the huge chairs in the living area when I came around to help, which I immediately regretted doing.  I looked at my dad with a blank stare and asked, "How are we going to rearrange this?"  He shot me the you-know-you're-in-trouble look and tossed my question back to me, then he made me figure it out by myself.  My brain was suddenly electrified by fear, but thank God it didn't fail me.  Papa was duly impressed by my suggestion.
  
  I thought I'd be scarred for life with that experience, but it was moments like those that shaped the way I work.  I'm not sure if he knew it then, but years later, I turned out to prefer being independent and, by that time, he knew when to hang back and let me decide for myself.  Did that all start with the furniture rearrangement situation?  Maybe yes, maybe no, but now I sure do appreciate my dad's sternness.  It toughened me up really well.
  
  
• Don't be a burden on others, especially if they're doing you a favor
  
  Just like with the previous lessons, Papa made us try hard to go the extra mile and, in the process, become self-reliant and resourceful.  Minimize the inconvenience for others.  I guess this helped shape me into a mother figure for most of my friends.
  
  
• Be kind to your househelp
  
  Like most Pinoy families, we had nannies and househelp. For a good part of my childhood days, our helpers stayed with us for many years. But it wasn't until I was maybe 11 or 12 years old that I realized what my parents had actually been doing for them: they were partly funding their education and teaching them how to save up for their future. I also found out later on that my parents footed the bills for some of our maids' family emergency needs back in their home province.
  
  But even without these discoveries, I knew my parents were very kind to our househelp. I never heard them yell at any of the maids, called them names, or made them feel small.  The maids were part of our family; they came with us on family outings, parties, etc.  We called them "Ate" or big sisters.  They had their own table in the kitchen, but they ate all their meals at the same time as we did; they ate what we ate. They even had their own snack cabinet. My parents would let me and my brothers help the maids with the chores (we usually did out of curiousity), and now I know that their letting us learn that way was part of the self-reliance lessons.
  
  Now that I have my own family, I treat our helper the same way. Our super yaya, Rochelle, has been with us since March 2005. She is "Ate" Rochelle to us, the fifth member of our family.