Dealing with Newly-Wedded Woes

This is the second of a two-part blog post about love (read the first one here). Not just because this month the world celebrates Valentine's Day. Recent events and realizations inspired me to write these posts. I hope they'll do some good :-)

People get so excited about the wedding, busying themselves way too much with the details, that they don't see the wedding as really just the sendoff party for the long and crazy adventure that is marriage.  I wish someone told me this; during our first four years of being married, we were at each other's throats and there were so many times we wanted to just drop the whole thing.

We celebrated our 10th year
anniversary in Boracay

Now, we've been married for 10 years, and I can say we've achieved cruise mode, but we still slam into bumps from time to time, thankfully not as often as during the earlier years.

It's just as well that we experienced these by ourselves, so that we are now able to share these nuggets with soon-to-be-weds.

• Listen actively.  That shows genuine interest and respect.
• Talk about everything.  Sure you can keep some secrets to yourself, but make them few and, if possible, nothing too important that won't adversely affect the harmony in your relationship.
• Be fair about closet and sink space.  This is a popular point of contention for newlyweds.  Don't be selfish, compromise, get rid of your childish junk (or stow them somewhere else), and be organized.  That being said: Guys, dirty clothes belong inside the hamper.
• Adjust your sleeping and bathroom habits.  Be considerate.
• Keep having spontaneous dates.  Just getting ice cream at the corner store and then going for a walk is a date.



I'd been a fan of Carlos Celdran's walks for years.
Finally, the hubby joins one and is now a fan, too.

• Actively share hobbies or other interests that you can wholeheartedly enjoy together.
• Give each other ample time and space to do his/her own thing.  And, don't be strict about it.  Rather, be supportive, unless the "thing" is not good or harmful.
• Find a way to communicate effectively.  How one person understands something may not work the same way for the other.
• Get over arguing about the small, trivial stuff.  Married life will present several and various types of problems and decisions, and most of these are really important matters.  You will have so many more fights, so stop wasting time on the little ones and spend more time on the bigger issues.
• If you do argue, don't fight or reason like children.
• Forgive.  At the end of each argument, there should be closure and...
• Never forget that you love each other.  The "why" isn't so very important; the reason may change over the years -- and trust me, it will.
• Start the ride right, go with God, and love as He loves us -- unselfishly, unceasingly, unwaveringly.