This is the first of a two-part blog post about love (read the second one here). Not just because it's Valentine's Day next week ;-) Recent events and realizations inspired me to write these posts. I hope they'll do some good, especially for my single friends out there :-)
My guy best friend, Cary, used to whine about how difficult it was to date most of the single women at his church. "Their standards are too high," he complained. "I get that they have expectations -- and they should -- but what they want is just impossible." I think I told him to look elsewhere instead (and he did. In fact, just last year, Cary married the girl of his dreams).
His gripe reminded me of a few girl friends who were doing the very opposite: setting their standards too low. How low? Let's just say that, we can blame it on pop culture and how it defines love. Or worse, what we think pop culture is telling us about love, and then we muddle it further with our own dreams, wishes, and fantasies. In short, we all form our own expectations of what love is supposed to be.
Truth be told, I used to think the point of romantic love was finding "the one". But after eight years of emotional misadventures, I realized that "the search" is way too overrated, and that romance and love are very different. Never confuse one for the other. Once that became clear to me, I knew then that I was ready for real love.
And what is real love? It is a Commitment. It is a promise to be part of a shared life, and that is where the tricky part comes in. Who do I share myself and my life with? There was really only one answer to that question: someone I can imagine spending the rest of my life with. Months before I got married, as I sat waiting in a laundromat in New York for my stuff to be done tumble-drying, an old married couple, probably in their 80s, quietly strode in. He was walking with a cane and she was supporting him by the arm. She carried their few pieces of laundry in a paper bag. He eased into the nearest seat with her help, and after making sure he's OK, she went off to do the laundry. As I watched them both, he watched her move about and she kept watch over him. My friends, that is real love. It was while witnessing that most ordinary moment that I became sure of the commitment I was making to my fiance then, who is now my husband of 10 years and counting.
This may sound cheesy, but the thought of spending the rest of your life with someone is really quite scary. We're talking about every second, every minute, every hour, every day, every year. And it's not just time; it's also decisions, fears, vices, dreams, ambitions, hates, interests, hobbies, bad habits, bad memories, good memories, secrets -- all of these are part of the package.
Think about it: love is just what makes the connection. It starts the entire process of sharing lives. It's complicated and scary, that's why you need romance to ease the tension every now and then. It's a lifetime commitment. So, you definitely want to make the right choice. The first question you've got to ask yourself is: How important is my life to me? Of course the obvious answer is, it's extremely important. But the real answer lies in how you treat yourself as well as the treatment you allow other people (especially the ones closest to you) to give you. That is how you set your standards; base it on your beliefs, principles, morals, and common sense.
So, how important is your life? How important are you? The answer: you are a valuable commodity. You are one of a kind.
Set your value, your worth. Don't let others do that for you. As my church's pastor, Robert Hern Jr., pointed out: if you let other people set your value for you, then you're selling yourself short. (Insert: his message last Feb. 6, 2011 on "Love Life" largely inspired this blog post. Check it out and be encouraged :-) )
You deserve to be loved. In fact, you are loved for always by the Almighty One upstairs. And remember, love and romance are not the same. Romance is a box of chocolates and bouquet of roses on Valentine's Day. Love is a promise that is too special and wonderful to be defined by just one February day.
*Photo credit to my hubby. Shot was taken at Sonya's Garden in Tagaytay.
My guy best friend, Cary, used to whine about how difficult it was to date most of the single women at his church. "Their standards are too high," he complained. "I get that they have expectations -- and they should -- but what they want is just impossible." I think I told him to look elsewhere instead (and he did. In fact, just last year, Cary married the girl of his dreams).
Truth be told, I used to think the point of romantic love was finding "the one". But after eight years of emotional misadventures, I realized that "the search" is way too overrated, and that romance and love are very different. Never confuse one for the other. Once that became clear to me, I knew then that I was ready for real love.
And what is real love? It is a Commitment. It is a promise to be part of a shared life, and that is where the tricky part comes in. Who do I share myself and my life with? There was really only one answer to that question: someone I can imagine spending the rest of my life with. Months before I got married, as I sat waiting in a laundromat in New York for my stuff to be done tumble-drying, an old married couple, probably in their 80s, quietly strode in. He was walking with a cane and she was supporting him by the arm. She carried their few pieces of laundry in a paper bag. He eased into the nearest seat with her help, and after making sure he's OK, she went off to do the laundry. As I watched them both, he watched her move about and she kept watch over him. My friends, that is real love. It was while witnessing that most ordinary moment that I became sure of the commitment I was making to my fiance then, who is now my husband of 10 years and counting.
This may sound cheesy, but the thought of spending the rest of your life with someone is really quite scary. We're talking about every second, every minute, every hour, every day, every year. And it's not just time; it's also decisions, fears, vices, dreams, ambitions, hates, interests, hobbies, bad habits, bad memories, good memories, secrets -- all of these are part of the package.
Think about it: love is just what makes the connection. It starts the entire process of sharing lives. It's complicated and scary, that's why you need romance to ease the tension every now and then. It's a lifetime commitment. So, you definitely want to make the right choice. The first question you've got to ask yourself is: How important is my life to me? Of course the obvious answer is, it's extremely important. But the real answer lies in how you treat yourself as well as the treatment you allow other people (especially the ones closest to you) to give you. That is how you set your standards; base it on your beliefs, principles, morals, and common sense.
So, how important is your life? How important are you? The answer: you are a valuable commodity. You are one of a kind.
"You were born an original. Don't die a copy." - John L. Mason
Set your value, your worth. Don't let others do that for you. As my church's pastor, Robert Hern Jr., pointed out: if you let other people set your value for you, then you're selling yourself short. (Insert: his message last Feb. 6, 2011 on "Love Life" largely inspired this blog post. Check it out and be encouraged :-) )
You deserve to be loved. In fact, you are loved for always by the Almighty One upstairs. And remember, love and romance are not the same. Romance is a box of chocolates and bouquet of roses on Valentine's Day. Love is a promise that is too special and wonderful to be defined by just one February day.
*Photo credit to my hubby. Shot was taken at Sonya's Garden in Tagaytay.
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