The Older I Get...

OK, so I'm not that old yet, but I always feel older than I really am.  I guess that's why I'm a lot more comfortable with friends who are older than me.

But it sure is super cool that I've usually been mistaken for someone in her mid-20s ;-)  

I wonder why, hmmm...?

Now that I've just turned a year older...

• I know myself better.
• Because I know myself better, I've learned to be a lot more honest with myself about what I need and don't need in my life.
• I've realized that some things I don't need are people I don't want to be friends with.  Like most everyone, when you're much younger, you tend to want to impress other people as you try to befriend them.  You experience a lot of disappointments and learn surprising things about human behavior that way (mostly not good stuff).
• Because I've made terrible judgments about people before, I've developed my own way of "filtering the crowd".  I don't believe in first impressions and I don't jump to conclusions, because that is unfair.  What I do is listen and observe, and trust my gut feel.
• By now I know that what's important to me, when it comes to friendship, is trust.
• I make friends easily but I don't keep a lot of them.  In fact, I have literally only a handful of people who I trust and have trusted for several years.  I don't do a very good job at keeping in touch, but I try my very best to be a most reliable friend, especially at the worst of times.
• It's important to find the right kind of friends because life is too short to waste it on meaningless connections.  I'd rather invest my time and affections on friends who are there for the long haul.
• I'm sorry if this sounds self-righteous and maybe even narrow-minded, but painful experiences and betrayals taught me to stop being naive and to protect myself.
• Three kinds of people I'm cautious about: plastics, users, and meanies.  Plastics are unpredictable, Users are scary Plastics, and Meanies are just out to ruin your day.
• I have to say I'm still working on the "avoiding Meanies" part because I can sometimes be pretty bitchy and sarcastic myself (when I'm on a roll, you better just shut up or stay away).  It's a defense mechanism that I'm still learning to control.  
• I'm a work-in-progress.
• I wish I could avoid idiots (especially at work), but I've realized that we all do idiotic things from time to time.  It's the arrogant idiots you have to watch out for.  There's hope for idiots, but none for arrogant idiots because, chances are, those fools are so full of themselves that they won't listen to anyone as they walk right into their own "trap".  If you're lucky, you might even be the one who'll push them in.  (See how bad I can get when I'm in bitch mode?)  I'm only saying this because I've given quite a few fools a taste of their own medicine.  It's an art that needs patience and timing.  Most of the time, the embarrassment knocks them back down to earth, making them just regular idiots, which is more bearable.   
• Because I know myself better now, and I know what I need and don't need in my life, I've learned to be increasingly content with what I have.
• I've learned that sometimes, even the things that were important to you at one point in your life may not mean as much later on.  When you realize that, it will be a shock, it will seem unfair, but if you stop whining, you'll understand that it was inevitable because, simply, life keeps moving forward.  You can't bring everything with you because they'll just slow you down.  Besides, you'll pick up new stuff at the next pit stop anyway.
• It's not only the tangible things that can weigh you down, but sometimes they could be memories -- some good, others bad.
• Bad memories could be all different sorts of unfinished business.  You could get lucky and find closure for some of these, but for most "regrets", there is no turning back.  The thing about regret...it's poisonous.  It acts like a placebo; your mind goes blank, you stare into space, quite unsure of how you feel or if you really feel anything at all, but you do know that there is something not quite right.  Later on, you will sense a deep sadness that envelops you.  The longer you stay in it, the deeper it will take you, until you forget that you actually have another choice: you can forgive yourself.

Well that was a mouthful :-P  I started with just 4 short lines in my first draft but this took on a life of its own :))

(Holding up virtual bottle of beer) Here's to the next 365 days!